Here’s the thing, i know we’re living in a time when women’s rights and gender equality have become the focal points of social activism. It’s only fair given how women have worked the same jobs as men over the years and were always paid less, or how they were overlooked for certain jobs simply because they are women, it’s upsetting and it really has to end. I’m a firm ally of the NomeansNo movement (and there are all so many social causes around and it’s difficult to choose the ones that really resonate with you, or just side with all of them, i’ll talk about it in another post). I have always tried to keep an open mind to not have a misogynistic view of what women should and should’nt do that society tries to force down on us, especially in conservative comunities like here in Africa, but hear me out on this one, I don’t think girls should shoot their shot to a guy that they like. That’s quite a polarizing thing to say, but before you tear me up into pieces, allow me to explain.
First and foremost, i discourage this because after having this conversation with many of my female friends i’ve learnt that ladies can’t handle this type of rejection all that well. Your confidence levels would plumet and you would probably want the world to open up and swallow you whole if ever a guy was to turn you down ladies. Your fragile egos can’t take an “L” in this department and my second reason is that, if that guy liked you too, he probably would have said so by now. Here’s something I keep saying, guys are simple beings, we like something, we pursue it and do the most to get it. If there’s a girl i’m into, you bet i’m pulling all the stops to let her know that i’m crazy about her and i want her to be in my life. I would never leave a girl i like on read for the longest time ( there’s no such thing as too busy to reply) and there’s no way i’m taking a chance of trying to lose her by “taking things slow” or “going with the flow”. Ladies and gents, those two phrases are massive red flags that your person isn’t that interested and you should run for the woods, immediately! So if there’s any doubts about whether he likes you or not, he doesn’t, men don’t play hard to get, and so don’t ladies too in this day and age.
My third reason why sending that risky text is probably not worth it is Gender roles. In as much as society may evolve and dynamics may change, gender roles don’t. Ever since we were cavemen and lived on roasted game meat ( that was a much more fun and simpler time) there were clear cut roles of what each gender had to play. Men have always been providers, protectors and shot-shooters lol ( FYI by men i’m not implying that the male gender role has to be specifically carried out by the biological male in the reationship, but whoever has the masculine energy in the dynamic), so i would probably feel slightly immasculated if a girl felt she had to tell me she likes me because clearly i wasn’t playing my part.
Alright, alright, this would’nt be a fair argument unless i argued for the other side too. However, to a lesser extent ( as my history teacher would always teach me to defend my argument) i feel like there are also certain scenarios when it’s okay for a girl to do the things, for example if prior to the incident, the same guy had previously asked her out and she had shot him down, and now she’s slowly starting to develop feelings for him too, but homeboy isn’t probably thinking of shooting his shot again. In that case i would very well say, go ahead sis and tell him! The other scenario is also a dynamic where the girl has more masculine energy than the guy and homeboy is probably too scared to say it, then go ahead and do the damn things sis.Personally Iv’e had a girl ask me out before (funny story actually, she was my very first crush, asked her out several times and she always said no, until eventually i came to terms with it and just decided to be just good friends with her, but then she later on caught feelings and she could see i wasn’t even thinking about it, so she came clean, and how could i say no to a girl i had written my very first love letter to!)
But! other than her, i probably wouldn’t appreciate the gesture, and i’m sure the brotherhood agrees with me. Besides, there are subtle ways girls actually shoot their shot without straight out spelling it out ( we’ll talk about those in a different post). Anyway, it’s been fun writing this and i hope you had as much fun reading it, and please, i want all the smoke, don’t hesitate to tell me what you think about all this in the comment section below. Please subscribe to my email updates so you can keep track with your grandma’s favourite blog. Peace out!