Don’t get me wrong, i’m not here to shit on action movies saying how unrealistic and predictable they are ( which they are). In fact, i love myself a good action movie with some well choreographed fight scenes and a good plot. Of course all movies are unrealistic in a sense, otherwise we would just be watching a reality show or a documentary, or based on an extraordinary set of events that probably have no chance of happening ever again ( those based on a true story movies), but that’s not why i’m here. I’m here to diss your favourite heros, which i’d rather call anti-heros, that murderous lot, and here’s why.
You can probably tell from my introduction why i don’t like action movie heroes. They are glorified murderers! They go on a killing rampage the entire movie, all in the name of revenge or justice, but in reality they are just some cold-hearted serial killers. Take John wick for example, dude has three installments where he’s killing people by the lots, simply because one guy killed his dog? His dog? You got to be kidding me! Inside my head what i’m thinking the whole time is, i know he’s upset that they took away the only thing that he had to remember his dead wife by, but is it really worth killing all those people? I mean all those henchmen have families too, they are probably breadwinners too, and think about how many kids he left fatherless, all for revenge. Sometimes, they go on a bloodrage ( The CON DAR, any Legend of the Seeker fans here?) because their child has been abducted, like in Liam Neeson’s Taken. Listen, i’m all about doing the most to get your kid back but, is it worth killing all those people? ( Well touché on this one, i’m contradicting my argument but i’d probably bust a million heads if they ever took my kid away). Anywho, moving on…
The second reason why i don’t like these guys is how much structural damage and financial costs they cause in their fight for justice .This one is mainly for the super heroes though. I remember when i took my little brother to watch Spiderman: Far From Home, and I could’nt get over how much damage they caused in Venice, and how much money that other guy (Mysterion) had spent to set up all those holograms and stuff. Don’t even get me started on the Avengers, they destroy buildings for sport. Of course I understand that sometimes it’s an alien invasion and we have to protect the world at all costs blah blah blah, but can’t we go easy on the property damage? Hulk is probably responsible for the most infrastructure damage,and proabably owes the US government millions in reperations. Believe it or not, i was actually happy in civil war when the government was weighing in on how beneficial the Avengers project was and if they should be disbanded, finally some reasoning! They save the world alright, but it’s just way too costly for me, and I’d rather see them face off with the aliens in the middle of the Pacific Ocean or something, but i doubt Greta Thunberg would like that too.
My third reason why these bozos annoy me is how they never die! Let alone get shot. I have never been in a firefight myself, but just from logical reasoning, what are the odds you’re gonna be in a gunfight against five heavies (heavies are the bad guys) and somehow kill them all without them managing to land a single bullet on you? Bull! In as much as it might seem touch and go during the fight scenes, you are almost always guaranteed that the good guy will always win. I realise people love to see the triumph of good vs evil, but I don’t mind the bad guy winning a fight, especially if he’s better experienced. Take Black Panther for example, i would have probably jumped out of my seat and asked for a refund had Killmonger lost that initial fight against T’Chala. Dude was covered in marks all over his body, each one signifying a kill he had made in the past, no way he could lose to Lupita N’yongo’s lovestuck ex. Of course in the end T’Chala won that last battle, but i enjoyed that touch of realism in the first brawl. The first movie that i remember watching that had a surprise ending in which the protagonist dies was Jet Li’s Hero, and i appreciate that twist up to this day.
Call me biased or whatever, none of these apply when it comes to Denzel Washington. As far as i’m concerned, Denzel can do whatever he wants and I would have nothing against it. The Equaliser is one of my favourite action movies, Two Guns too, Training Day, Man On Fire, i could go on and on, i just love his movies. He gets a get out of jail free card and he’s one of those guys that assure me that a movie is gonna be good once I see his name on the cast, same with Samuel L Jackson, Gerard Butler, Mathew Mcconaughey, Chris Evans, to name but a few top dogs. In conclusion, I’m a massive fan of movies and action movies in particular, but I just wish these protagonists would die sometimes and not damage so many buildings in the process you know. I hope you enjoyed reading this and of course don’t forget to follow the blog and/ subscribe to get email updates. As usual, i want all the smoke, tell me what you think and comment down below. Don’t forget to spoil your special person this valentine’s, Salam.