I don’t know why, but the first thing that comes into my mind when i think of a gentleman is a guy who has a tailor-made suit on, a charming smile, opening the door for his lady on the other side of the car. Basically i picture Pierce Brosnan’s rendition of James Bond to be honest. I’ve always assumed a gentleman should look like this, but being a gentleman is less about how you dress and more about your mannerisms and behaviour. In this modern day full of toxic masculinity,cyber bullies, perves and stalkers, the bar has been set so low for what a man should do, but being a gentleman is still a tall order. Wanna know how you should act to be a modern day gentleman? read along!
First things first, i want to make a clear distinction between what being a gentleman is and just being a regular guy. It’s easy to think that if you’re not the weirdo jerking off in the subway then you’re a gentleman, but this isn’t the case. If you don’t cat-call women on the street and you have never sexually harrassed a woman, that doesn’t make you a gentleman, just a normal guy. If you have never flashed a woman or body-shamed her, kudos man, but that’s just how a regular guy should do. Now let’s get into the real business on what the actual gentleman does. There are some core values that i feel like lie at the heart of being a gentleman. Integrity, honesty, trustworthyness, a high level of self-discipline and self control are definitely key. Think of Spiderman, your friendly neighbourhood superhero, it’s exactly what the gentleman is, without the webslinging and the super sleek spidey-outfit of course. Once again I’m not sure why but i also think of Henry Cavill’s Superman when i think of a gentleman, it would’nt hurt to have those cheekbones for sure haha.
By far the most important thing that distinguishes a gentleman from the regular guys is his mentality. A gentleman has a sexy mentality, you know, he thinks and views the world with an open mind. He is open to new ideas and respects opinions that differ from his. He understands people are going through different struggles and doesn’t judge whatsoever another person’s background. The modern day gentleman does not have any racist, sexist,colorist or homophobic sentiments. He is pro-choice because he understands that women should be given a right to decide what they want to do with their bodies, and he doesn’t stereotype people based on their ethnicities or upbringing.
2) Communicating and Socialising
The modern day gentleman is a good communicator. He is in touch with his feelings and communicates them properly. Long gone are the days when men were known for being emotionally unavailable and aggressive. He does not raise his voice in an argument and expresses his opinions eloquently. He is big enough of a man to admit when he’s wrong and apologises. He can stand his own ground and can defend his position, his integrity and that of his loved ones, without necessarily getting into a physical altercation . He can say no and is well versed in the language of consent, meaning he’ll react to cues that signal discomfort or unwillingness from his partner in all sexual affairs. He creates an open, non-judgemental emotional safe space for his bae and his loved ones, so they know they can come to him for anything. He is a social animal, he can adapt to different social scenarios, interact and connect with people who don’t necessarily enjoy the same things as he does. He is smooth in his speech, a sharp-shooter, and you bet that bottom dollar he has the guts to ask out his crush!
Body language is really an important aspect of communication, in fact, non-verbal communication accounts for 93% of your message, so it’s really important to get it right. Incongruency is when what you say and your body language are in contradiction (imagine someone saying yes but at the same time shaking their head, pretty confusing right?). A gentleman never has incongruent body language which means that he genuinely means what he says. A gentleman is respectful and knows how a smile is contagious, so he can even smile at a random stranger on the street and lighten up their mood. He uses the appropriate register when addressing different people, adhere’s to guidelines and code for a particular event or place he might be in. He uses the appropriate speech for appropriate audiences , is a good tipper and isn’t stingy with compliments. He treats waiters and the valet dudes with respect, and treats his woman like she’s royal. Basically, his mannerisms make him debonair (de bon air as the french would have it).
Like it or not, first impressions are based mostly on your outward appearances (and legend has it a lady knows within the first five seconds whether she’ll sleep with you or not), so looks matter. Worry ye not my less aethetically gifted brethren for i do not talk of natural good looks, but your overall aesthetic. Let me just put it out here that being a gentleman does not imply that you have to wear a suit and a tie, a gentleman wears an outfit that accentuates his overall aesthetic and matches his body shape and personality. There’s no clear cut dress-code on what to wear, But a gentleman puts effort on how they present themselves to the rest of the world. Personal hygeine is a must, cutting your nails, shaving, showering, manscaping, a fresh haircut and a sexy cologne go a long way. For my black folk, moisturising to avoid ashy fingers and elbows is essential too. Good dental hygeine is key too, hitting the gym or playing a sport will also keep you in shape to give you a good fit when you wear that outfit. A gentleman should however own at least one dresshirt for formal events and a pair of white sneakers, trust me , they are an essential too!
Well there you have it folks! a breakdown of how I feel the modern day should be. Feel free to send a link to this article to your homie or your man to hook them up with these awesome tips. As usual, i want all the smoke, tell me what you think in the comment section down below, have an awesome day and remember to tell someone that you love them today. Peace ya’ll.