You know those goosebumbs you get when you see your crush, they are just there, doing a whole lot of nothing, but you feel like you could watch them do nothing all day. They look like they breathe flavoured air and we’d never dare imagine that they fart. We build up this fantasy image of them in our heads and in that image they are pefect, they can do no wrong. Such is also how we sometimes imagine the person we’d wanna be in a relationship with, they get us, they know us in and out and they love us and all our flaws. This is a tough ask, given how we don’t even know ourselves completely and we hate our flaws, but they are somehow supposed to love them. But I don’t want to talk about all of that, I want to talk about something I came across reading a book called Relationships by The School of Life which explains why it’s impossible to be a perfect partner, the weakness of strength theory, let’s hop right in!
Can I just put it on record that I am not a fan of the whole “The One” theory. In as much as I feel like there’s probably someone out there who we’d make an awesome couple with, terming them the one sort of gives them pressure to be this flawless partner and it makes it sound as if if things don’t work out with that person then you’re pretty much screwed. I am more inclined to believe that given our personalities, there are people out there we are more compatible with than others, and that somehow makes me more at ease to know that everytime I break up with someone that I thought was the one and it didn’t work out, that I won’t at least spend the rest of my life alone, writing shitty novels on some coast in southern France.
Anywho, basically the weakness of strength theory states that for every strength that we possess that there is a corresponding weakness to it. If someone is forgiving for example, the corresponding weakness is that people might take advantage of them knowing that they’ll forgive them anyway. If they are a good communicator, there’s a chance they might be an oversharer. Maybe they are very generous and selfless, it probably means they might sacrifice too much of their happiness to make sure the next person is alright. If they are gentle, they probably won’t punch that asshole who just grabbed you inappropriately. You might say well they are motivated and driven, but it also means the same nature could cause them to always want to get their way, be it in arguments and decision-making.Let’s say they are honest, then sometimes they might be too honest and shere some hurtful truths about how they probably would wanna bang the girl next door if you ever gave them a free pass. If you’re a gamer you definitely know how every outfit has strengths and corresponding weaknesses for a given character. I’m currently playing Horizon: Zero dawn,and i know how giving Alloy heavy amour reduces her speed or how amour that’s freeze resistant won’t do much to protect her against fire.
“Geez man, it seems like we’re all pretty messed up if that’s the case”, and i say Oui my good sir, part of the human codition is how incredibly flawed we all are. This however is not meant to discourage us from having relationships with other people, rather it should make us approach relationships with a bit more understanding, that way, we can manage our expectations of the other person and hopefully they’ll also understand our shortcomings. Sometimes we expect people to make us feel the way we can’t even make ourselves feel and it’s a bit unfair. Rather, we should strive to look for the people whose weaknesses and shortcomings we can tolerate over time. This in my books is what qualifies as compatibility, of course having shared interests is important, but it’s how you can navigate through your differences which is rather key.