On exes being friends

It’s a Saturday night, Bae came over and you guys are enjoying some quality time, Netflix and chill, you know the vibe. You check to see if they’re still watching along, only to realise that they’ve dosed off. But you’re not mad though, their face looks so cute when they are asleep and you just smile and think of how lucky you are to be dating this amazing human. As you turn back to the screen to unpause the movie, you hear your phone vibrating, it’s an incoming call. Who the hell could be calling you so late at night. You feel around the couch for your phone, yeah there it is, but hold up,it’s not your phone that’s vibrating, it’s theirs! Okay, so you normally don’t mind who calls bae but at 11??? So you reach around for their phone, just to see who is blowing up their phone, it could be their Dad , family emergency maybe. Found it! you pick it up and what do you know! it’s their Ex calling! at eleven?? TF!

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I’m pretty sure most of us would feel some type of way if that past scenario ever occured to us. In today’s dating landscape almost everyone has an ex. Shout-out to the few lucky ones who actually don’t and found the loves of their lives in one go ( Lucky bastards, humph!). Well for the rest of us there’s a whole bunch of people whom we actually thought had a shot of making it with, only for time to show us how dumb we were for thinking that. It feels like I’m just potraying exes in a bad light, but they are also just glaring reminders of how bad we are at reading red flags and compatibility lol. They say ex is short for example, an example of what you shouldn’t repeat in the future, but somehow you keep falling for the same type of toxic people, have some self respect Jonathan! Well in all honesty it’s not all bad, some exes were actually really great people and circumstances beyond your control happened and you had to end it. Maybe they moved to another continent, or they got into med school and didn’t have the time to date anymore, or maybe they just slept with a few other people and you were too petty to forgive them for it. The real question is what happens after, do y’all just go back to being strangers, or do you stay in touch and hope to bump uglies again? Well let me give you my take on it.

I for one, am not a fan of blurred lines. I don’t like uncertainity, especially in relationships. I prefer to know exactly where I stand and act accordingly. As such, after a breakup, I don’t see or feel the need to stay close with an ex. We already tried the whole being intimate thing and it didn’t work out, so what are we doing now? “Maybe we are just meant to be friends”, you might say, I say maybe you’re just not meant to be together, how about that? There’s a whole lot of other people out there you can establish friendships with, why do you want to keep this person around like they are the only human that’s left. I feel like it’s just a desperate attempt to try and stay in each other’s lives, hoping to get closure that maybe you just did’nt waste the entire last five years and now you’re back to square one. If you’re still hurting from the whole ordeal, i feel like this could actually prolong the time you need to heal and one of those days, one late night conversation might just lead you back into the same dead-ass relationship you just left, clownery!

To balance this conversation, lemme try and look at ways in which staying friends with your ex could be beneficial. They could help you to…nah, or hey, maybe they could give you…nah, can’t find any. I just don’t see the point honestly. Don’t get me wrong either, I’m not saying y’all should block each other and become sworn enemies, but being simple acquantainces is enough. You don’t want the vibe to be weird between you guys and you should be able to stand each other when you happen to meet and engage with each other. Also, you have to keep your partner in mind, if you’re dating somebody at that time, that it might probably irk them a little bit knowig that you’re still in touch with the same person that you say hurt you, even though you’re with them now. I’m sorry but it just feels a wee-bit disrespectful. It does happen that the two of you are really over each other and are still involved in the same circles that it’s really harmless to be friends. If you honestly feel like you’re both at that place, then it’s okay really, but still not necessary.

I realise that this is a really divisive issue and people hold different opinions on it. Well this is my take and feel free to let me know how you feel about it too in the comments down below. A conversation about exes is uncomfortable, but should probably be had between you and bae, just to make sure that you’re both on the same page and nobody’s feelings are lowkey getting hurt . Communication is key in every aspect of our lives and we should all aspire to be better communicators in our relationships. Stay safe y’all, peace and love!

9 thoughts on “On exes being friends

  1. I saw a post that said, “We should normalize using words such as co-worker, classmate, acquaintance, etc cause not everyone can be your friend.”
    And I agree to that, we toss the word friend around a lot, yet there’s so much that’s supposed to be in place to qualify someone to be a friend… on that note, I agree with a lot of what you said, you can be acquainted to your ex, no bad blood or anything like that, but keeping that closeness is going to be compromising for both parties…. unless none of them intend on dating other people 😅😅

    Liked by 1 person

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