I actually intended to entitle this piece ‘How I accidentally found myself in a situationship but it was no accident, unless if it was a really slow, avoidable and self-inflicted accident. It would be like going out into the middle of a highway or lying flat on the train tracks and then act surprised when the train finally hits you. Nope, this was no accident, was it heart-breaking? You bet, regrettable? Sure, but it is what it is hey. In today’s world of social media and pop culture, where catching feelings and being intentional is frowned upon, it’s almost an impossible task to find someone who’s down to get dirty and be vulnerable and put in the work it takes to sustain an actual relationship. It seems more like a competition about who cares less and you can’t help but wonder if grandma will still be alive to see you walking down the aisle. Okay that was a bit too deep, almost as deep as the feelings that I had for her, geez man, is someone playing some drake in here? I better cut it out before I make this a sad-boy post hehe.
First things first, you might be wondering what exactly is a situationship. Is it a relationship? Friends with benefits maybe, more than friends but not actually a thing? No, maybe and yes. A situationship is like being on a bus that’s going at 200 miles per hour and you have no idea where the bus is headed, but the driver constantly reminds you to ‘relax and go with the flow’. Shitty examples aside, a situationship is really one of the most confusing and unnerving states of a relationship between two people. It occurs when two people have feelings for each other yet somehow their relationship status isn’t officially labelled as one because one or both of them are reluctant to throw a label on it and as a result it leaves a lot of uncertainty, anxiety and possibly hurt when one of the two parties wants a committed relationship.
After reading the last passage anyone with common sense will probably think, yeah that sounds like a messy situation that I wouldn’t want to get caught up in, so how do people actually get caught up in these, most importantly, how did I get caught up in it too? Well to answer this, I’ve came to realise that love knows no logic. When you’re in deep, it’s almost as if your brain crosses the space-logic continuum (yes that’s a thing…which I made up) and you become immune to reason and logic. No amount of red flags and friendly advice will deter you from wanting to be with that person, you just can’t help but hoping that eventually, this might turn into something real. To make things worse, every time you try and have that honest conversation about where the relationship is going, the other person will probably tell you sweet-nothings and play the whole thing down to make it seem like you’re worried over nothing, you’re in a good place right now, right? Right?
Someone might say, but it does’nt really sound that bad, what if I want to keep my options open and not have to immediately commit to a relationship I’m not sure of? Well sure, and in all fairness it can actually be convenient for some people. The problem with a situationship is that there’s a lack of transparency and clear communication, you have no idea whether they are merely trying to figure stuff out before things get serious, or whether things will ever get serious. Surely there’s nothing wrong with weighing out your options or figuring stuff out, just communicate properly to make sure everyone is on the same page. Like I said in my other post about dating, there’s a point (that’s the dating stage) when you can go on dates with multiple potentials and after some time you’d probably move to dating exclusively when it’s just the two of you working towards a relationship, only that in a situationship it seems like you’re in an infinite dating stage loop and now you don’t know if you should go on dates with other people or if you can call them babe or how to introduce them to your friends. Besides, we all know that even when two people are ‘not looking for anything serious’ one of them eventually starts to want more and there’s hurt feelings in the end.
So how do you get yourself out of one. It’s actually quite simple, the reason why you might let it drag on for a while is you probably feel like you can love them into submission until they change and all of a sudden actually want to be in a relationship. One thing you have to realise that it’s not about you, they are probably not ready to date anyone and that it’s not guaranteed that once they are they’d want to date you. You might waste precious time waiting on someone who’s not even that into you. Let’s face it, if they actually did genuinely care about you, they’d have told you outright that that’s not what they’re looking for instead of stringing you along, and they wouldn’t save you for later either. The love of your life maybe running around in circles out there whilst you’re out here fighting for a doomed relationship. Get a grip my guy, I know it’s hard to get over a relationship that never happened, but you can find solace in the fact that you did all the best you could and it wasn’t meant to be. I heard a great piece of advice recently that I wanna leave you with, it went like, when it comes to dating and seeking partners, no one is perfect, but there’s someone out there that is a perfect match for you. Stay safe and stay honest. Peace